#37: Getting Unstuck: Self-Reflection

Introduction

Hi there. It’s Dr. Moira with the Coaching Hive and I have something fun and exciting for you today. As you know, inside the Coaching Hive, we take a Progress-Driven approach to learning, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t self-reflection and fun and discussion around those opportunities. And today I want to give you a sneak peek into just a little sliver of the most recent Coaching Hive masterclass on getting unstuck.

And if you are new to the Coaching Hive, when we approach masterclasses as a group, what happens is we talk about the concept in terms of just definition and basics, but then we dig deeper and we look at the concept in this case, getting on stock from a coach perspective and the client perspective. We talk about the theories. We talk about the tools and we talk about what it looks like just to simply use what we’ve talked about, because the benefit of progress driven learning is that it indeed helps you to make progress. And part of that process is making sure that you are reflecting and taking time to think and absorb the information that you’re learning. And I did something special for my coaches this time within the coaching hive and included an entire self-reflection module that I am going to give you a peek at.

They just got access to this yesterday, and I am so excited to share this little glimpse of the coaching hive masterclass that was released for October. I cannot wait for you to experience this self-reflection.  Grab some paper, grab a comfy chair, and hop right in.

Coaching Hive MasterClass Excerpt

Hey, there is Dr. Moira with the Coaching Hive, and I want to take some time to welcome you to our newest masterclass on getting unstuck.

Now you’ll notice it seems a little bit more relaxed and familiar here today, and that’s for a reason, I promise you we’ll jump into something that’s more formal here in just a few minutes, but with our concept of getting unstuck, I thought it might be helpful to take just a few minutes and explore that idea of being stuck and also kind of to take some time for self-reflection.

So I’m in my office and this is my chair for self-reflection. I have a nice pillow. I have a salt lamp at my feet, and this is where I come to stop and think, and to explore where things are kind of rubbing that don’t feel quite right in my business and my life and my relationships. And in that self-awareness comes a lot of power.

What  I’d like to do with you right now is to kind of take a step back and encourage you to go sit in your quiet space, explore where you’re feeling stuck right now, and not just to explore where you’re feeling stuck, but to also maybe take a journal with you, maybe not right away, sit in the silence for a little bit and explore where you’re feeling stuck, but then also explore why explore, why you’re feeling stuck and start to notice where the most tension is coming from. Is it from something that is internal? Is it an internal expectation that’s leading you to feel stuck? Is it more of an external expectation? And as you do this exercise, what I want you to notice is that if it’s an internal or an external expectation, that’s leading you to feel kind of stuck. Is this something that has grown out of a societal norm or essentially the external world, the external world creates a lot of noise. The external world creates quite a bit of expectation. And sometimes we internalize that as our own expectations. When in fact it is an expectation that someone else has created and that can lead us to feeling stuck.

So I want you to very intentionally approach this MasterClass by taking time first, like I’m asking you to do now, and I’ll include some space in your workbook for this MasterClass to do this activity. But I really want to, to take 15 minutes, maybe take 20 minutes if you can carve that out in your busy schedule and think about what’s going really well.  Where do you feel like it just kind of moves smoothly? There are no challenges. It just kind of feels like everything is falling into place. What part of your life, what activity feels like that for you? And then I want you to intentionally recognize the places that don’t feel like that I know this seems kind of counterintuitive, but how can we talk about feeling stuck and getting unstuck?

If we don’t first acknowledge the places that we are stuck and I’ll give you an example. So for a long time, and this was kind of a story I told myself was that I wasn’t good enough. And you may have heard me talk about this. I had an employer early in my career, right after graduate school say, wow, you were overpaid.  There’s no way you’re worth that much. And I let that kind of stick with me for a very long time. And it caused me to get stuck in a lot of different ways in my career and the path I chose. It caused me to get stuck in a lot of different things. But at the end of the day, recognizing that that feeling of stuck was coming from an external expectation, really helped me to start moving forward. 

I want you to take time and this can be uncomfortable. I’m not going to lie to realize that I had led decisions being governed by someone else’s assessment of me and my worth that I let someone else determine my self worth for so long. That’s humbling. And that is sad. It’s sad. And at least it was for me when I realized I felt sad and then it was kind of empowering to realize, wow, I’m stuck, but you know what? I don’t have to be here. And when we think about our clients feeling stuck, a lot of times, maybe they’re feeling stuck because they have these external expectations from the world that have been placed on them that they have now internalized and said, no, that’s not external. That’s mine. This is my expectation.

But a lot of times it isn’t. And who made that expectation in the external world. I hope that through this, this practice and this opportunity to reflect, you start to gain a clearer understanding of your own stuckness. I know that’s not a word and that you’re able to gain an appreciation for when your clients feel stuck, because we can feel stuck in our business.

We can feel stuck in our own health and well-being, just like our clients can feel stuck in their own lives and their own health and well-being. And the sooner we get to this place of understanding, what’s at the root of this, what beliefs do we have that are creating the actions that are creating this stuckness? The sooner we get to those beliefs, the easier it’s going to be to uncover and make a change. So this is why we’re starting this masterclass. I’ve got my feet up on my salt lamp. I’m kind of leaning forward. You can see it’s a little bit different than our normal masterclasses, but I think it’s worth it. And I think it’s worth slowing down being a little bit less formal and exploring what, what those moments of stuckness are for you. And yeah, I’m probably going to use that word. And for my, my English majors, I am so sorry. I know it’s not proper grammar. And for everyone else, you know, create your own word, right? But that feeling of being stuck is something we all deal with. 

Whether it’s in business or personal life, our health and well-being, goals, or vision, whatever that may be. And in this masterclass, what we’re going to do is take that feeling of stock and talk about what it means in terms of our coaching. And also what it means in terms of our clients feeling stuck, how that can really have a ripple effect on their change process. What happens when you have a client who feels stuck and in just one aspect of their vision, it’s going to permeate all of these other aspects of their vision. And that may lead to feeling stuck in other places. And then they stop changing. So how are we going to help our clients take that one moment of stuckness and uncover a way to deal with it, to manage it so that they can keep moving forward. And it’s not going to derail all of the other parts of their wellness vision that they’ve been working on.

This same is true for us as coaches. How are we going to take that one piece where we feel kind of stuck manage that so that we can keep moving forward in our business. Let me give you an example. What if you feel stuck with social media, that’s a bugaboo for so many people. If you feel stuck in social media, guess what happens?

We tell ourselves, oh, if I can’t get my social media going, I can’t get clients. Well, that’s not actually true because if that were true, no coaches could have had clients prior to social media. And we know that’s not the case, right? Coaching has existed longer than social media has existed. So let’s go ahead and set that aside,

knowing that the belief that social media is critical to our coaching success perhaps is false. And so then we can deal with the actions that we take. If we truly believe that social media is the only way to grow a coaching business, then you put all of your stock in Facebook and Tik TOK in Instagram and Pinterest, YouTube, whatever it is. And you don’t take any other actions.

But what if you recognize that belief you’re feeling stuck with social media, you say, you know what I know for a fact that people have built successful coaching businesses without social media, I’m going to change my actions. I’m not going to let this belief keep me stuck. I’m going to choose a different action or a different path forward. And instead you say, okay, I’m going to go out and make community partnerships. I’m going to meet some people in my community. I’m going to get involved. And what happens is now you’re not as stuck as you were five minutes ago, because now in taking the time for self-reflection and self-awareness, you are identifying the beliefs that might be holding you back so that you can adjust the actions you’re taking so that this doesn’t have a ripple effect on putting your entire business at a standstill, 

simply because social media is not working and let’s face it. Social media goes down sometimes, right? And if our entire pattern and path and journey is focused on this one thing, of course, we feel stuck when that one thing disappears, whether it’s for a few hours or for a long time. So here’s where we’re starting nice and informal. Find your chair.

This is mine. Find your chair to sit in the silence, explore where you’re feeling stuck. And I want you to dig deeper. I want you to think about what beliefs are guiding the actions that are leading you to the problem of feeling stuck. So I want you to kind of work it backwards. I want you to think about the beliefs then how are those beliefs impacting or driving your actions that you’re taking?

And then I want you to notice what actions, what those actions are creating. What kinds of problems or success stories chances are. If it’s a success story, you’re not stuck. If it’s a problem, chances are you are stuck, or at least you feel that way for right now. That’s where I’d like you to start. And when you’ve had a chance to do this, that’s when I’ll invite you to the next module. And we’ll jump in, we’ll start talking about this idea of stock in terms of the transtheoretical model of change. We are going to get a little bit more formal and what you’re more used to with our master classes. But I feel very strongly that this is an important conversation to have before we jump into our bigger conversation of the science and the questions that you can use with clients and even with yourself.

So thank you for taking this journey with me, for trusting me and trusting yourself to sit down, sit in the silence, find your own salt lamp, find your own comfy chair. This one’s mine. And do some of that hard work before you jump into the theory, the science, all of that stuff, because that’s good stuff, but it’s going to mean more if you have had a chance to stop and think, okay, do you promise me before you move forward in this masterclass, I want you to use the workbook. And I want you to use the silence to start identifying where you feel stuck. And this in turn will generate some amazing conversations in our masterclass discussion, because this is what we are going to dig into. This is how the Coaching Hive works.

We find those spaces of stuckness and start to uncover what’s going on. And then you can move forward. That’s where the power of the Coaching Hive Blueprint comes in. So if you’re ready, turn this off and step away. I know I’m telling you to turn off the masterclass. I’m going to hope you come back.  Turn off the masterclass, go do this activity.  Go do this reflection, and then come back and we’ll jump in. I promise you the science is there. I promise you all the other stuff that you’re used to in the masterclasses are here and I’m not going to be sitting in my comfy chair. And I probably won’t be wearing this shirt either. So I hope that you find some answers or at least start to uncover some answers in the silence with this activity.

Conclusions

Okay. So you had a chance to experience just a brief self-reflection the coaching hive, getting unstuck masterclass. Like I said, we take a very scientific approach to our masterclasses, but that doesn’t mean that it is just a boring hour of facts and studies. Part of it is also taking time to get to know yourself, get to know your clients and yourself as a coach, as well as personally. What did you think? How did that feel to sit down and take some time to reflect on your beliefs? How that leads to actions and can actually create problems and keeps you feeling stuck. Now, obviously this was part of a bigger master class, but if you’re thinking, wow, maybe I want to know more. 

Send me an email at moira [at] coachinghive (dot) com or you can just send me a quick DM on Facebook or Instagram if this is something that you’re interested in and you don’t want to wait until the next time the doors open.

Until next week, have a wonderful week. Take some time for self-reflection start to notice your beliefs, your actions, and what kind of impact they have in your life enjoy. And I’ll see you back here next week my friends.

~ Dr. Moira